Live from the MomBrain Newsroom, the traffic report is DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING IN YOUR CAR. MomBrain knows this firsthand because she just spent eight years driving home from the mall. In that time, she picked off an entire manicure, did car yoga, practiced making a pencil bun, played the alphabet game against herself, and listened to Hugh Laurie’s newest CD (twice).
Fortunately, I remembered something from the Twitter: Someone said the theme from Darth Vader makes traffic jams feel better. AND I remembered that I actually have that music on my phone.* So I hit Play and set it for Repeat. Suddenly I was piloting a Super Star Destroyer. The Force was strong within me. The enemy starships surrounding me were specks of nothing.
Unfortunately my car still didn’t move. Darth Vader’s flagship Executor did not appear from the clouds to rescue me. And the Force had obviously dwindled away. Worse: Darth Vader’s theme song had embedded itself in my Brain like a powerful earworm. (And now you have it, too! You’re welcome!)
In the end, I simply persevered. What else could I do? Darth Vader had failed me. But somehow I reached home without him, with only time and patience on my side.
* This is a true fact.
The Little Guy He Who Shall Not Be Named went through a movie soundtrack phase a couple of years ago. We’ve got everything. Go ahead. Try me.