The Cowardly Lion Gets a Spine

MomBrain is lucky, lucky, lucky to have three Wizard-of-Oz friends: one is her heart, one is her brain, and one is her spine.

MomBrain recently took a walk in the woods with her spine: a willowy Eileen Fisher type who makes MomBrain feel like a dumpling. Unfortunately the trails were not dumpling-friendly. “Eileen” strode joyfully over hill and dale. MomBrain whimpered and crawled. Eileen’s dog bounced along merrily. MomBrain’s dog sat in the gravel and dug in. Eileen recounted a two-day backpacking adventure with a thirty-pound pack, bears, and torrential rain. MomBrain debated whether she should drive the little car or the big car for errands.

Yes, MomBrain is a delicate hothouse flower. But this does not stop Eileen from doing her job as my spine. She calls it tough love. I call it smacking me upside the head when I am a cowardly lion.

Cowardly Lion

The original Cowardly Lion from
“The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”
by L. Frank Baum

Eileen: Crawl out of the rabbit hole! That idea sucks!!!

MomBrain: Wheeeeeeze

Eileen: When will you stop thinking and start doing???

MomBrain: Wheeeeeeze

Eileen: Let’s go two more miles!!!

MomBrain: Wheeeeeeze

I suspect Eileen did this on purpose. What better way to force MomBrain to listen without talking back? But … Eileen is right. So I have (mostly) crawled out of the rabbit hole, despite the scary sunlight. I have – with a little wrenching – discarded the sucky idea. And I have resolved to stop thinking and start moving forward, even if I wheeze. Next step? I do not know. But maybe knowing isn’t the point.

Hold Your Applause

MomBrain will be attempting more frequent updates in the next few weeks. Why, you ask? It’s simple: I want to test a theory. Sister K says more frequent updates = more readers. I say more frequent updates = more tired mommies who just don’t have time to read everything so they give up in despair (i.e. fewer readers). So let’s give it a try, shall we? (And while you’re holding your applause, please do feel free to throw twenty-dollar bills.)

In Other News … We have bid ciao to our charming Italian houseguest. In less than two weeks he has managed to line up an apartment, furniture, a bike, and a bank account – all in a country where the money, language, and food are completely foreign. I stand in awe.

My personal theory is that we chased him out with the coffee. American and Italian coffee are two different beasts entirely, and after his first polite cup of dishwater at MomBrain HQ he’s been allergic to everything but triple espressos at McStarbucks. Polite refusals don’t stop MomBrain, though – I make dishwater every morning for him, press it upon him, and pretend that it’s fine, just fine when he refuses.

Entertaining With Style

Here at Hotel MomBrain, we are doing our best to entertain an Italian gentleman. At least, I think he finds us entertaining. His English is more than passable, and he has the charming manners of most educated Europeans. But he and the Little Guy are dancing circles around each other. For one thing, the language barrier is higher: the Little Guy’s English is also only passable, and he insists that our Italian friend is actually from Texas, because he has an accent. He also sees any adult male as a potential playmate.

MomBrain: Would you like red wine or white wine with dinner?
Nicola: Een my reegion of Eetaly, we dreenk onlee the wine that ees red.
Little Guy: Excuse me, Nickel-a.
Nicola: Yas?
LG: I have push-ups!!!
Nicola: What are the poosh ups?
LG: You can have one!!!
MomBrain: It’s a kind of ice cream.
Nicola: Ah. Een my reegion of Eetaly, we do not eat verrry much ice creem. But I would like one heeere.
LG: Great!!! After we eat push ups we can play with Bumper Bot!
Nicola: (looking bewildered) Ah. That sounds verrry great.
MomBrain: More wine?
Nicola: Yas, pleeez.