Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Drum Roll Please

Now. About that life-changing decision. I changed my mind. So never mind.

Complaints Department

Who do I complain to about the weather around here? We are in the midst of yet another heat wave. Yesterday was in the upper 90s, and the Little Guy has a horrific heat rash all over his chest and tummy. He and Nanny are now in air-conditioned comfort at the mall, wearing 100% cotton and schlepping a water bottle. And the Big Guy is putting on his SuperDad cape and tights and finding us an air-conditioned hotel room for tonight. I myself am trying to get some writing done this morning before the house becomes unbearable. I did not move to Seattle for the heat. I do not like this, Sam I Am.

In Praise of Nordy's

Is there anything more delightful than Nordstrom's Annual Sale? We went to the mall last night for dinner and a/c and ended up dawdling at Nordy's. I bought a fitted denim jacket and a pair of leather boots for winter. (The irony of buying winter clothes during a summer heat wave did not escape me.) The Big Guy graciously entertained LG so I could truly shop (parents of small children know what I mean). I returned with my shopping bags and found the Guys playing in the hair jewelry department, a pearl and rhinestone tiara on the Little Guy's head and sparkly hair clips all over the floor. True to their reputation for customer service, the Nordy's people were simply amused. But when I saw the $80 pricetag on the tiara I decided the Nordy's people are simply insane.


posted by Marjorie
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Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Ewwww

Would the person who found MomBrain by Googling "messy cream cake fun naked" please get off my blog right now? Thank you.

Dangling Participants

I have made a life-changing decision that will make me and my family so much happier over the coming years. But since it's time to take the Little Guy to his swimming lesson you will all just have to wait to hear what it is.

Be Still My Heart

How could you not fall in love with a face like this?




posted by Marjorie
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Monday, July 28, 2003

Social Pleasantries

The Big Guy and I have been trying hard to model proper and polite social skills to the Little Guy. Today our fine example paid off when LG asked me out of the blue how my day was.

LG: How was your day, Mommy?
Me: My day was fine. How was yours?
LG: Um, kind of squiggly.
Me: Your day was squiggly? Why?
LG: Because of the dinosaurs.
Me: Oh.

posted by Marjorie
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The Fat Lady Sings

Oh wimpiness, thy name is MomBrain.

For the first time in my life, I have had occasion to scream from fright. Does a screaming MomBrain sound like a Hitchcock heroine? A poorly paid actress in a B movie thriller? A rollercoaster freakout? Oh no. As it turns out, when I scream, I sound like an opera singer. How very useful. Perhaps someday that scream will save my life, especially if I am being mugged by Luciano Pavarotti.

Picture us, slumbering peacefully, nestled in our dreams, when suddenly Kitty lets loose with a screech that would wake the dead. Which it pretty much did. I leaped up and let loose with a high C. The Big Guy threw on my bathrobe, flipped on all the lights and flushed a strange cat that was even more freaked out than we were. How did a strange cat get in our house you ask? We don't know. It just did. So there we were at 4:00 AM, BG flapping around in my bathrobe while I stood on our bed and sang arias and the Little Guy stood on his bed shouting Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! and Kitty streaked through the house chasing a black blur. All this was complicated by the fact that BG and I are truly, completely blind without our contact lenses. Is that a small pile of laundry or a terrified animal? I dunno - poke it. LA LA LA!!!!!

posted by Marjorie
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Sunday, July 27, 2003

Macho Mom

One lovely idea I learned on my Oprah trip was to find the "seed of grace" when something bad happens, and to immediately say "thank you" for it. So when I wrenched my back I immediately said "thank you" and then spent four days trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling grateful for. And I learned something about myself that I wouldn't have realized without saying thank you. I am a macho mom. It's my job to do all things house and kid, and I insist on doing them until I physically can't continue. I am macho because I feel guilty -- that I don't contribute much money to our income, that I'm home in my PJs writing or playing with LG at a wading pool or otherwise having fun instead of shriveling away in a windowless conference room making $$$.

So ... I wrenched my back exercising, but that's only because it was already strained from carrying a sleeping Little Guy until my arms were shaking. The Big Guy kept asking (even insisting) that he carry him, but I said no because it's my job to carry LG. And I hurt myself doing it. Now, Macho Mom is way too close to Martyr Mom, and so I have resolved to knock it off already. In celebration of my self-realization and new resolve, I would like you all to picture me in Village People get-up, feathered headdress waving, arms in the air, singing the following (revised) song:

Every mom wants to be a macho macho mom
to have the kind of body always in demand
Jogging in the mornings go mom go
working in the kitchen muscles glow
You can best believe that she's a macho mom
ready to get down with anyone she can

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho mom (macho mom)
I've got to be, a macho mom
Macho, macho mom
I've got to be a macho! Ow....

posted by Marjorie
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Saturday, July 26, 2003

Food for Thought

OdiousWoman has me on an Anne Lamott tear, and at the risk of being redundant I must repeat a quote that OW also pulled. From Anne Lamott's commencement address at UC Berkeley:

"You are not your bank account, or your ambitiousness. You're not the cold clay lump with a big belly you leave behind when you die. You're not your collection of walking personality disorders. You are spirit, you are love, and, while it is increasingly hard to believe during this presidency, you are free. You're here to love, and be loved, freely. If you find out next week that you are terminally ill -- and we're all terminally ill on this bus -- all that will matter is memories of beauty, that people loved you, and you loved them, and that you tried to help the poor and innocent."

I read this a week ago and it's still circling around my brain. Wow.

posted by Marjorie
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Friday, July 25, 2003

Gratitude Journal

I have much to be grateful for today. I have a hard time asking for help, but my back is so kaput I have no choice. So I am humbly grateful for:

  1. The Big Guy, for taking a day off from work so he could take care of the Little Guy. And bring me lunch. And fix my scanner. And load the dishwasher. And start the laundry. And pick up everything I drop. And listen to me whine.

  2. My friend Kako, who brought me fresh peaches from a farmstand and a much needed pep talk.

  3. Nanny, who is on vacation but offered to come back early to help.

  4. Whoever invented reusable ice packs.


The Must-Read Book of the Summer

I've just finished Seabiscuit, and am profoundly impressed. Read this book. Even if you don't like horses, know nothing about racing, could care less about jockeys. I laughed, I cried, I'm glad I read it. But now I have no idea what to read next. Suggestions???


posted by Marjorie
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Thursday, July 24, 2003

MomBrain is so old and creaky, she messed up her back while exercising this morning. Nothing is helping -- not Advil, or a hot shower, or even the Elmo bandaid that the Little Guy put on my back. Ow.

Thank goodness for Nanny and the Big Guy. And let the record show that I sang BG's praises *before* my back started hurting.

ok

m u s t ... l a y ... d o w n ...

buh bye
posted by Marjorie
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Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Why I Love My Husband

The Big Guy is Mr. Rational Scientist Man. His brain is very large. He says things like:

"I don't know with any specificity." (Translation: "I'm not sure.")

"The paucity of traffic is a good sign." (Translation: "Look! No cars!")

"Love is nothing more than the biological imperative to mate." (Translation: "I'm really, really mad at you.")

And yet ... he's crazy for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Loves to shop. Especially for clothes. For me. Is way into decorating our new house. Plays the Glamour Do and Don't game at the mall. Is deeply involved with the Little Guy. And he's my best reader. What's not to love in a guy like that? All I need is that Universal Translator thingy from Star Trek.

My Secrets Are Out

Sarah Hepola has me laughing out loud. If you are a freelance writer or somehow entangled with one, check out The Morning News - The Key to a Successful Freelance Career: A Diary.

3:51 and I am finally back from the car dealership. Now it is time to get some work done. Really. I'm going to write write write! As soon as I check my email. And update my blog. And make some tea. And check the mail. And catch up on Anne Lamott's column in Salon (thanks for the prod, OdiousWoman). And ... and ... and ...

And the Learning Continues

Another lesson I learned from my vacation:

When the Little Guy is finally big enough to reach the car's interior lights from his carseat, make sure said interior lights are off before going on a 5-day vacation. Then when you return you don't have to call the Roadside Assistance people and then go to the dealership to replace your battery, thereby losing an entire day and $$$ to car repair.

Excuse me. I have to go sit in the front yard right now and wait for Burly Tow Truck Man.

posted by Marjorie
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Tuesday, July 22, 2003

I'm b-a-a-a-ack!!! Did you miss me, my ducks??? (nuzzle nuzzle)

What I Learned on My Summer Vacation

Lesson 1: How Parents Become Geeks
Back in our childfree days, when it was just the Big Guy and me, we traveled. Not very adventurously – Europe, Canada, the US – but we always had a big trip in the planning. In city after city we saw people sitting on their hotel balconies at 8:00 at night, barefoot, in their pajamas, reading the paper. Jeez, we thought, get a life! I mean really, London, Paris, and San Francisco are just waking up at 8:00 PM. I thought those people were total screwups. Now I know they were parents.

This flash of insight blinded me at 8:00 on our first night … while sitting on the balcony … in my pajamas … reading the paper.

This is obviously the first step on a slippery slope of geekdom that will bottom out on the Little Guy's 14th birthday, when he will demand that we stay 20 steps behind him and do not speak to him in public for several years.

Lesson 2: How to Make a Diaper Out of Just About Anything
Priority One upon arrival in any distant city: Buy diapers. Schlepping a jumbo pack of Pampers across an international border only provokes uncomfortable questions from Customs. So we packed six diapers and figured we’d just find a grocery store when we got there. [Insert laugh track here.] Of course, of course, this is when the Little Guy decides to have a Major International Digestive Incident. So the Big Guy picks up the rental car and goes straight to the nearest grocery store. Which is not near at all because this is a resort city for tourists who eat every meal in a restaurant and at most need emergency lipstick. Finally BG finds a dusty package of Huggies that costs more than a day in our mid-size rental car. We are very grateful.

Lesson 3: No Food Is Safe From Hungry Animals
You know how traveling is ... you sleep when you can, eat when you can, but pretty much everything is out of whack. Take my advice. When you are traveling with two Guys, Little or Big, you need your own secret stash of food. When the Little Guy is hungry he cannabalizes whatever plate is next to him, which is usually mine. And the Big Guy made me two memorable offers:

"If you'd like to trade your french fries for my fruit, I'd be open to that."

... and ...

"If you'd like to trade your fish and chips for my chicken teriyaki, that would be fine with me."

NICE TRY, BUB!

posted by Marjorie
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Friday, July 18, 2003

MomBrain has left the building. I'll be back on Wednesday!

In a wild-eyed burst of optimism, we are attempting our second ever family vacation. The first one was a disaster -- unrelenting rain, a tiny hotel room, and no new toys (what were we thinking???). The Little Guy was reduced to chewing on a telephone receiver for three days while BG and I climbed the walls. It's taken two years to recover from that experience, in which time we've gone NOWHERE.

This time the forecast is for sunshine and 75 degrees, we've reserved a suite, and the sheer volume of new toys will require a sherpa-mounted expedition.

Oops, there's the sherpa now ... wish us luck.



posted by Marjorie
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Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Poor MomBrain. Poor, poor MomBrain. See MomBrain's head? It is big. That is because her brain is swollen. Wise man say, smart woman balances checkbook monthly. Even every two months. But take MomBrain's advice -- do not wait six months to balance your checkbook. It will cost you two days, $4000 in errors, and a swollen brain. Ow.

Meanwhile some crazy lady in Florida keeps calling my cell phone demanding to know why my number is in her missed calls list. She is mad. Very, very mad. Should I tell her I let the Little Guy play with my cell phone at the playground last night? I think not.

Speaking of the Little Guy, here is our latest conversation, which took place while watching a video about farms.

LG - That's cow poop.
Me - Yes, that's cow poop.
LG - Cow poop stinks.
Me - Yes, cow poop stinks.
LG - My poop doesn't stink.
Me - Oh yes it does. Your poop definitely stinks.
LG - But not all the time.
Me - Okay, not all the time.
LG - YOUR poop stinks all the time.

I should note this occurred immediately after I refused to let him eat a popsicle for breakfast.

Learn to Draw

Announcing the first annual MomBrain Art Contest. I need a real logo. I grabbed the current one from somewhere on the Internet and I feel guilty -- for not crediting someone's work, and for using it without permission. (And don't roll your eyes at me -- I spent a good deal of time working with intellectual property -- plus I'm a writer type, so I care about this stuff.) So. I will pay $50 for the best submission -- tell all your artsy friends! Here are the rules:

  1. It must be black and white, or at least work in black and white.

  2. It must be in JPG or GIF format.

  3. It must be an original work, and Mombrain has the right to reproduce it on anything she wants (with credit to the artist).

  4. It should convey the idea of "MomBrain."

Send submissions by August 30 to MomBrain@hotmail.com.

posted by Marjorie
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Monday, July 14, 2003

Creative Endeavors

From Dave Barry's blog (yes, that Dave Barry):

This blog has a little project to amuse anybody who is interested, involving a wonderful site called www.poetry.com ... Aspiring poets can go there and submit poems in the poetry contest, and maybe even -- incredibly -- have their poems selected for inclusion in heirloom-quality-bound volumes that are -- What are the odds of this? -- for sale!

So anyway, this blog was just thinking how interesting it would be if a whole bunch of people submitted poems that contained a certain key poetic phrase. To see how it might work, this blog submitted a poem under the pen name of "Freemont A. Harkins," entitled: "A Sad Day." Here's how it goes:

A Sad Day

i am sad, so very sad
the tears run down my nose
it was a happy day until
the dog ate mother's toes

You can see this poem at www.poetry.com, using the search engine to search for "Freemont Harkins." Wouldn't it be fun if a lot of people submitted poems using a Pen Name that began with "Freemont" and incorporating the phrase, "the dog ate mother's toes"? Then we all could search for poems written under the first name of "Freemont" -- currently, this blog is the only one -- and see how creative everybody was!


Here is MomBrain's submission:

The Scent of a Rose
by Freemont B. Wilde

My mother's name was Rose.
She smelled like sloppy joes.
Her bath could wait;
Alas -- too late.
The dog ate mother's toes.

posted by Marjorie
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An Alarming Scenario

I have invented a new kind of alarm clock. All I have to do is figure out manufacturing and distribution and I will be on my way to the Invention Hall of Fame. A simple description: At the first ray of sunshine (4:30 AM here in the northern latitudes), a three-year-old boy crashes into the bedroom and yells "It's morning! Get up!" If you do not respond to the first alarm, the covers are pulled off and the boy lays on your head while a thoroughly freaked out cat, claws out and ears flat, scrambles across your body. If you do not respond to the second alarm, you are buried alive in a mound of 300 matchbox cars, the combined weight of which will permanently damage your mattress, not to mention your ribs. There is no snooze alarm. There is no off button. There is only one possible response: GET UP.

posted by Marjorie
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Sunday, July 13, 2003

Food Rants R Us

Took the Little Guy to Target yesterday, and since we were running late we ate lunch at the snack shop. It's a combination Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and generic snack place -- I figured I could just piece something together for him. But what is the deal with kids meals? The choices were cheese pizza, chicken tenders, or a hot dog, all served with chips and an icee. We don't eat hot dogs or red meat in our family, so that was out. And the pediatrician has told us to avoid cheese. So that left us with deep fried chicken. No fruit. No veggies. Not even peanut butter & jelly. I had to argue with the cashier to substitute milk for the icee. And then our tray came with a piece of candy on it. It reminded me of a Disney on Ice show we went to last winter, where the kids meal was a hot dog, french fries, and soda -- no choice about anything. And we wonder why kids are fat.

I will be the first to point a finger at fast food restaurants, at vending machines in schools, at too much TV and video games. But as a society there are many, many ways in which we do not support healthy nutrition for our children. I won't argue with offering hot dogs and cheese and junk food ... but why can't we also offer peanut butter, bananas, carrot sticks, and whole wheat bread?

And what can I do about it besides rant in my blog?

That Great Sucking Sound

Parenthood is full of wonderful milestones and moments -- the first word, the first step, the dandelions clutched in sticky fists, the spontaneous hugs. But it's also a vortex of ickiness that will suck you in unless you are constantly diligent. The minivan. The fat. The frumpy clothes. The mama purse. (sigh). Evidently we have let down our guard, because this morning we got sucked into the vortex and attained new ickiness. We are now regulars at iHop.

We didn't realize we'd been going there quite so often. But kids' meals are free, and the Little Guy eats more than I do sometimes. They also have a funny face pancake, and what's not to like about that? But the iHop near us also smells bad, and I'm sorry but some of the customers are scary. And they should just find another word for their coffee. The caffeine hit is acceptable, but it doesn't taste like any coffee I've had anywhere else.

Anyway, it's Sunday morning and we were all up early so off we went to iHop for breakfast. The hostess recognized us and greeted us like family. The waitress called the Little Guy by name and showed us a picture of her son. Even the manager said hello. It was sobering. I mean, on the one hand, I love where I live precisely because it's a community. I bump into friends and neighbors all the time at the grocery store, and the people at the dry cleaners and the little corner store know me. And I like the idea of the small-town coffee shop where your mug hangs on the wall and the waitress knows you take your coffee with cream, no sugar. But I do not want to be part of a scary community that hangs out in a vile-smelling place that serves bad coffee.

I guess I'm a snob, which is even more sobering. Great. I'll add that to my therapy list.


posted by Marjorie
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Friday, July 11, 2003

The beauty of friends who read your blog is they show up at your house with iced tea. Once again, Nanny earns the top spot in today's Skippy Moments Journal.

  1. Nanny brought me a bottle of Tazo sweetened iced tea this morning. It's not quite as good as freshly brewed, but damn it's close. Another item for the referral letter.

  2. The Big Guy talked me into taking the Little Guy to the baseball game tonight. Our babysitter cancelled, so I was going to stay home with LG while BG went to the game with two of our favorite friends. But BG very gently introduced the idea that perhaps -- just perhaps -- I am being a tad bit overprotective by not wanting to bring LG to a night game. He's right, and I'm glad I get to go to the game after all. We'll have fun (though tomorrow's blog entry may be interesting.)

  3. I am grateful for Coach Gene, who leads the Lil Kickers soccer "camp" that LG enjoys so much. He gave the kids free t-shirts and water bottles today, and as usual was amazingly good with them.

  4. I went for a long walk today while listening to Alison Krauss + Union Station Live -- I felt like I was flying. I am grateful that a talent like hers exists and that I have a groovy little iPod to play it on.

  5. Blue skies and warm sunshine -- that's something to be especially thankful for in Seattle.

One last note -- In a stunning display of technical prowess, I have fixed the MomBrain archives. The history of MomBrain is yours for the perusing, my little chickadees.

posted by Marjorie
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Thursday, July 10, 2003

Yippee Skippee

The Divine Miss O says that keeping a Gratitude Journal changed her life. She writes down five things each day that she is grateful for, which keeps her antenna out for good things instead of bad. I can see how it could make your attitude more positive. My sister L and I agreed to try it, but I prefer to call it my Skippy Moment Journal. "Skippy moments" (according to my sister K) are big or little things that you see or experience that just make you want to skip a little with happiness. So here's my very first list of five things that happened today that I'm grateful for or want to skip about:

  1. Nanny drove for three hours today when the Little Guy fell asleep in his car seat. They went to every Taco Time drivethru in King County, and even in the face of emergency bladder distress she kept the pedal to the metal. Such fortitude - I never guessed. This will definitely go in her referral letter.

  2. The Big Guy told me that I looked pretty and my hair looked nice.

  3. Two pieces of MomBrain fan mail made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.

  4. The sales ladies at Land of Nod let the Little Guy play in the store for an hour -- the only air conditioning we could find in 93-degree heat.

  5. LG, cold and soaking wet from the fountain climbed into my lap to give me a hug. On a day like today it doesn't get any better than cold, wet hugs.

Sleepless in Seattle

Here at MomBrain Central it's all about insomnia. Day 5, no sleep, big fat WAH. It's just too danged hot.

Today I am in search of a glass of good old-fashioned iced tea. Glass #1 was that presweetend Nestea from a jar crap - GONG. Glass #2 was some kind of fru fru passionfruit pineapple nastiness. GONG. All I want is old-fashioned iced tea, brewed from a tea bag with nothing else in it. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??? Pardon my yelling, but I am just the teensiest bit overheated. I just don't know why people need to mess with a good thing. As soon as I sign off here I will go meet Nanny and the Little Guy at Stone Henge fountain, where I will continue my search, and will undoubtedly pay for my overcaffeinated frenzy with another night of insomnia.

Missing in Action

The following items have fallen through a black hole somewhere in my house:

My frequent flyer mileage VISA card
1 pair of prescription eyeglasses
2 pairs of reading glasses
My Gwyneth Paltrow shades
The rudder to a toy helicopter (much trauma over this one)
My favorite pen

Cheers and Jeers

Cheers to Women Central for their Web article "Beauty at Any Age." They do deserve a smack on the wrist for lumping all older women under the heading 60's,etc. But I was thrilled to read their beauty tips for women over 60 -- sex, pedicures, henna tattoos, and nude sun baking "remind you to be a goddess, not just a grandma." It's almost enough to make me look forward to aging.

Jeers to Redbook for going way too far in their recent covers with Jennifer Aniston and Julia Roberts. As if airbrushing isn't enough -- the cover photos are pieced together from other photos. Aniston's photo is a composite of three photos that makes her right hand look like something from Planet of the Apes. And Roberts' head is from a papparazzi shot, pasted onto a body from a Notting Hill shot. In defense, the editor said they wanted the covers to "pop" on the newstand. In a strange way this makes me feel better -- if even the golden people aren't beautiful enough for the media, perhaps I can rest easy.


posted by Marjorie
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Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Dinner with my Book Club honeys last night. The Big Guy and I had baseball tickets, but he ended up going to the game alone. Sometimes you just gotta laugh with a bunch of women and a couple of bottles of wine. I am so grateful to know these women -- most of them mothers, all of them ferociously smart, opinionated, and funny. It was a much-needed break, and today I am actually writing instead of ironing.

The Little Guy and I competed this morning in the Ding-Dong Golfing Championship of the World. I used the purple driver; LG wisely chose the orange putter. We took turns hitting plastic golf balls at the base of the metal fan in my bedroom. A direct hit produced a loud bell-like ding! at which point we would throw down our golf clubs, run the bases, slide into home, and yell "Tie Game!"

Okay, these aren't exactly the PGA rules, but maybe they should be.

Then we practiced standing on one foot while holding a golf club, jumping while holding a golf club, and twirling with golf clubs under our arms. Then we hung the golf clubs upside down on the doorknob, put the golf balls in the Kleenex box, and ate blueberry pancakes courtesy of the Big Guy.


posted by Marjorie
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Monday, July 07, 2003

Please, dear MomBrain readers, register on my GuestMap! You'll find it at the bottom of the left pane. You don't have to use a real name or anything like that -- I'd just like to get a sense of where you are.

More with the ironing. I've noted a strong correlation between anxiety and a hot iron -- I steamed and sprayed my way through ten shirts today. I am just so-o-o-o ready to get out of this house. It's too small, cluttered, and dark. Plus it's haunted, I think by an old lady who is puzzled and a little afraid of us. She slams doors and knocks things over. It's true. I told her I would leave as soon as I could, and in the meantime I would respect her home. Then I told her to follow the light, at which point the Big Guy came up behind me with a glass of orange juice which he ended up wearing. Note: Do NOT sneak up behind people who are talking to ghosts. You will regret it.

posted by Marjorie
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Sunday, July 06, 2003

I have met the enemy, and it is I.

A lovely morning, 70 degrees and sunny with a spectacular mountain view from the waterfront park where we took the Little Guy for some playground and beach fun. So there we were, hoofing it down to the shoreline, through the scrub grass, over the driftwood, through the sand. BG and LG were racing ahead to throw rocks in the water, but I fell behind because I was schlepping a mama purse. You know the one. Big enough to hold lunch for three, a small toy box, and the entire Star Wars Missile Defense System. AT THE BEACH.

I suddenly flashed on a hiking trip with my in-laws about ten years ago. In her mid-sixties, my mother-in-law insisted on taking her purse with her everywhere, including hiking trails, beaches, and remote campsites. Why? I kept asking her, and all she would say is "You never know." At the time I thought she meant you never know if bad guys are lurking behind a tree waiting to steal your purse from your well-locked car. But now that I'm a mom, I know what she really meant was "You never know if someone might need a kleenex." Or chapstick. Or half a candy bar. Or a toy towtruck. Or a pen. Or fresh batteries for their walkman. Or a cellphone. Or the receipt for the clothes they bought at the Gap last week that they might want to return. All of which are in my purse right now.

I sent my mother-in-law a psychic hug and resolved to never, ever do that again. Since when am I the family pack mule? Before LG came along I didn't own a purse. I never carried more than a credit card, some cash, a license, and maybe a lipstick -- all of which fit neatly in my pockets. There is just no reason why this morning's trek had to include a mama purse when I was already carrying a fullsize diaper bag and a kid's backpack full of toys. Ugh.

I also must acknowledge another hasty judgment which perhaps should include me. I ranted yesterday about ugly Americans at the grocery store in their PJs who hadn't brushed their hair. But only a few blogs back I lamented my own sorry state ... at the grocery store ... in my PJs ... with my hair pointing up. I suck.

posted by Marjorie
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Saturday, July 05, 2003

As you can see, MomBrain has been playing with HTML again. I quite like my little redesign. The color division between "Mom" and "Brain" illustrates my dilemma nicely. It has a certain je ne sais quoi, which is French for I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Hard left turn. Screeeeeeech!!! We did not see Legally Blonde 2. We saw Charlie's Angels, and it was a hellaciously good time. The clothes! The hair! And what shade of eyeshadow is that??? Never mind the flying drop kicks. It was all campy goodness, and made me want to join a kickboxing class.

Now. Brace yourself for another Food Rant. At the movies, BG and I always share a small popcorn and a soda with 2 straws (his is the tall one). But somehow we got duped into buying Value Combo #1, which cost less but was so, so, so much more food -- about a gallon of popcorn and probably 48 oz of soda. The drink was so huge I had to use both hands to lift it. Why does more food cost less money? Why I ask you?

And speaking of why, why is Brittany Murphy so skinny? At first I thought the trailer for her newest movie Uptown Girls was about a heroin addict, and I was all set to be impressed at how much weight she must have lost for the role. But no, it's about a young woman who loses her inheritance and (gasp) has to work for a living. The woman is a walking skeleton. For Pete's sake, eat something. Here, have some of my Value Combo #1.

Hard right turn. Screeeeeeech!!! The human race has some seriously ugly people. Or maybe it's Americans, I don't know. But I think they're having a convention at my neighborhood grocery store. I mean, do these people own mirrors? A hairbrush? Any clothes that are not pajamas?

posted by Marjorie
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Friday, July 04, 2003

Now Reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel.

Will update more tomorrow, but I stayed up too blasted late finishing Three Junes to write coherently. Read it. It's astonishing.

posted by Marjorie
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Thursday, July 03, 2003

Another fun conversation with the Little Guy, who was watching a video with the Big Guy. In the video, the main character had a fish tank and was worried that his fish weren't happy.

LG: Why that man have fish?
BG: Those are his pets. Just like Kitty is your pet.
LG: Oh.
BG: Would you like some fish as pets?
LG: No. That's okay. I have Mommy.

I know I can be a cold fish. But sheesh.

Tonight is Date Night, and it's all about Legally Blonde 2. Perky bubblegum movies are the Big Guy's achilles heel, his fatal flaw, his undoing. It is also one of the things I love best about him. BG is Mr. Rational Scientific Ph. D. Man, a tenured professor and researcher who usually goes for the manly action flick. But movies like Clueless absolutely slay him.

Perky blondes also slay him, though he denies it. This is a good thing, because I am not perky. And I am not blonde. I am a cold fish.


posted by Marjorie
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Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Coming Out of the Closet

It is time, dear readers, to reveal myself as ... an Oprah fan. It's true. I worship at the altar of O. I am so not cool and I so don't care. Oprah rocks.

I've been offline the last few days because I flew to Philly to take my sister to Oprah's "Live Your Best Life" tour. A weekend away ... with my sister ... paying homage to the Queen .... ahhhhh. My only regret is not having the time to meet Andi in person.

Kitty went to the vet this morning for her annual shots. At 14 she now has arthritis in her hips and has lost 20% of her body weight in the last six months. I fear we have entered the decline. She is the sweetest cat who has ever owned me.

Corporate schizophrenia has reared its ugly head at Kraft. This is the same company that sent me a huge box of free junk food last week. But this week, in the face of obesity lawsuits, they say they will cut portion sizes, stop marketing in schools, and help consumers win the battle of the bulge. Well yay for them. But perhaps they should acquaint their right hand with their left hand before they go much further.


posted by Marjorie
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