Q: When is the last day of school not really the last day of school?

A: When the morning is reserved for a bowling party, and the afternoon for a swimming party.

Q: When does MomBrain begin to eye the sharp objects?

A: Right about the time the black-light disco ball starts swirling and the kids yank their pants down to check out their glow-in-the-dark undies.

Q: When is a swimming pool not a swimming pool?

A: When it has 38 third graders in it. Then it’s a giant warm bathtub where the P is not missing from POOL and you most certainly will TOO take a shower before you get dressed, Little Guy.

Q: What will MomBrain eat for dinner?

A: Eat? Surely you mean drink?

MomBrain has ended the summer on a high note. And I do mean a high note, of the ELA variety that any crossword maven knows. Camping in the wilds of Mazama, needing to pee so badly she feared embarrassing herself, but surrounded in the dead of night by howling coyotes, she did the only thing she could do: burst from the tent and made a break for the porta-potty, waving two flashlights and screaming like a banshee. And indeed, MomBrain did look too big and scary for any little coyote to eat, and so she managed to pee safely. She did not, however, escape embarrassing herself, having become the live entertainment for her fellow campers.

But summer is over, and we are now safely back in the wilds of Seattle. The tent is smushed forlornly into its sack. Our tans are fading, and our feet are becoming reaquainted with shoes. The Little Guy is back in school, and the morning air has a chill to it. Can it be? Did summer really go by that fast? Are the holidays truly just around the corner? Already?

MomBrain has spent the better part of today bowling with 30 first graders. While the Big Guy was no doubt sipping tea with the Queen, I was tripping the light fantastic at a glow-in-the-dark bowling alley, complete with disco balls and a subwoofer in each lane. Two hours into it the kids were chasing the swirling spots, beaning each other with 8-pound bowling balls, exposing their white underwear under the black lights and screaming at full volume. Then the glazed donuts appeared, and all hope of control was lost. Jesus wept.

I am sure you will not fault me for the wee margarita I drank with lunch. It was for medicinal purposes only.