SCENE 1

She heard his feet before she saw them: clomping toward her, an easy size 13, in worn hiking boots beneath frayed jeans. She lifted her venti iced tea to her lips and waited.

“Excuse me, ma’am.”

Ma’am??? MA’AM??? MomBrain, Woman of Mystery, lifted her head just high enough to see his sun-leathered face beneath the brim of her straw hat.

“Is there a Starbucks around here?”

She squinted into the sun and smiled, a slow langorous smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

The stranger looked confused, then glanced at the Starbucks cup in her hand. She smiled again as he clomped away.

SCENE 2

She heard his feet before she saw them, stepping lightly toward her in worn black leather beneath frayed jeans. She lifted her grande iced coffee black one Splenda to her lips and waited.

“Escuse me, meees.”

Meees? Ah – miss. MomBrain, Woman of Mystery, lifted her head just high enough to see his brown eyes beneath the brim of her straw hat.

“Where eez ze store of coffee?”

She squinted into the sun and smiled, a slow langorous smile.

“Starbucks is on the corner” she said, in her best Marlene Dietrich growl. She gestured with one graceful hand. “Next to the lingerie shop.”

The stranger smiled as she lowered her head and hid her eyes again beneath the brim of her hat. His feet were still for a second too long before they turned to step away.

SCENE 3

She felt the cell phone before she heard it, vibrating in her pocket and threatening to ring loudly if she didn’t answer quickly enough. She plunked her Mocha Frappucino down and wiped a drip from her chin, then fished the phone from her too-tight jeans.

“Yes? Hello?” MomBrain, Woman of Mystery, spoke into her ultra-slim Motorola Moto Razr V3 cell phone. She crossed her legs. This was the kind of phone James Bond would give to one of his Bond Girls, assuming she already had a sexy little handgun with a pearl handle.

“Hey, it’s me.”

MomBrain smiled and imagined blue eyes.

“Have you been to Starbucks yet?”

“No,” she said, and glanced at her Frappucino. “What can I get you?”

“A grande iced mocha would be great. And the Little Guy wants a kids vanilla steamer.”

“AND A LOLLIPOP!” shouted a small voice in the background.

“And a lollipop.”

“A grande iced mocha, a vanilla steamer, and a lollipop. Got it. Anything else?” she asked. She reached for her purse and knocked over the Frappucino. Chocolate spilled all over her size 9 Keds.

“Dammit.”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just — nothing.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes!” MomBrain held her phone away from her face and yelled. “I’m losing reception! I’ll see you soon!”

She ignored the people staring at her and looked down at her feet as she squished away toward Starbucks.

MomBrain will be attempting more frequent updates in the next few weeks. Why, you ask? It’s simple: I want to test a theory. Sister K says more frequent updates = more readers. I say more frequent updates = more tired mommies who just don’t have time to read everything so they give up in despair (i.e. fewer readers). So let’s give it a try, shall we? (And while you’re holding your applause, please do feel free to throw twenty-dollar bills.)

In Other News … We have bid ciao to our charming Italian houseguest. In less than two weeks he has managed to line up an apartment, furniture, a bike, and a bank account – all in a country where the money, language, and food are completely foreign. I stand in awe.

My personal theory is that we chased him out with the coffee. American and Italian coffee are two different beasts entirely, and after his first polite cup of dishwater at MomBrain HQ he’s been allergic to everything but triple espressos at McStarbucks. Polite refusals don’t stop MomBrain, though – I make dishwater every morning for him, press it upon him, and pretend that it’s fine, just fine when he refuses.