Q: When is the last day of school not really the last day of school?

A: When the morning is reserved for a bowling party, and the afternoon for a swimming party.

Q: When does MomBrain begin to eye the sharp objects?

A: Right about the time the black-light disco ball starts swirling and the kids yank their pants down to check out their glow-in-the-dark undies.

Q: When is a swimming pool not a swimming pool?

A: When it has 38 third graders in it. Then it’s a giant warm bathtub where the P is not missing from POOL and you most certainly will TOO take a shower before you get dressed, Little Guy.

Q: What will MomBrain eat for dinner?

A: Eat? Surely you mean drink?

MomBrain has spent the better part of today bowling with 30 first graders. While the Big Guy was no doubt sipping tea with the Queen, I was tripping the light fantastic at a glow-in-the-dark bowling alley, complete with disco balls and a subwoofer in each lane. Two hours into it the kids were chasing the swirling spots, beaning each other with 8-pound bowling balls, exposing their white underwear under the black lights and screaming at full volume. Then the glazed donuts appeared, and all hope of control was lost. Jesus wept.

I am sure you will not fault me for the wee margarita I drank with lunch. It was for medicinal purposes only.